


Stronger than you Know

by storyspinner70



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: BDSM, Ball Warming, Bottom Jared, Dom Jensen Ackles, Dom/sub, Kinks, M/M, Sub Jared Padalecki, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:17:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyspinner70/pseuds/storyspinner70
Summary: Fill for spnkinkmeme prompt:Jensen knows that he and Jared are attracted to each other; what he doesn't know is why Jared refuses to do anything about it. It turns out that Jared's heavily into BDSM, and constantly on the look out for larger guys who (or so he thinks) are the only ones able to dominate him like he needs. Once Jensen finds out, he's determined to change Jared's mind about who can make a suitable Dom. After all size doesn't matter, it what you do with it that counts!





	1. Chapter 1

Here’s the thing with Jared: he’s adorable. Over six feet of muscle and sweetness and joy that Jensen wants to...well, that Jensen wants to do a lot of things to, but would settle for fucking him into the mattress for the space of time that lies between now and forever. There’s a lot more he’d love to do Jared, but he’d probably scare him off and that’s not going to happen.

Jensen let himself in Jared’s front door and went to the kitchen for a beer. He didn’t pass Jared along the way, but grabbed his drink and settled on the couch to wait for Jared to wander in. He started to flip the TV on, but heard a low murmur from down the hall and figured he’d wait. It wasn’t long before he picked up Jared’s smooth voice.

“I’m telling you, Chad, it was the worst night ever. Whatever, I need to finish this before Jensen gets here so I’m putting you on speaker.”

“So, Ackles, huh?”

“Shut up Chad.”

“Hey, I’m just saying, Ackles wants to bang you like a drum.” Jensen choked a little on his sip of beer.

“He does not.”

“Okay, sure.”

“We’re not talking about this again, Chad. And besides, I doubt he’s into the same things anyway.”

“Ackles is the bossiest motherfucker I’ve ever met, if you think he wouldn’t jump at the chance to dominate and beat that little ass of yours, you’re dumber than I thought.”

“I’ve told you a million times it isn’t about being bossy...”

“I know, I know. Dominance, submission, control, power, etc etc. But I’m telling _you_ for the millionth time – you’re missing out with Ackles.”

Maybe the self proclaimed Mayhem wasn’t so bad after all.

“Even if he were into that,” Jared started, trudging on when Chad opened his mouth to argue further, “even then, he’s not what I’m looking for.”

Jensen deflated. _Well, that was that, then._ He hadn’t expected it to hurt quite so much. He’d always known in the back of his mind that there was a chance Jared didn’t want him in the same way, but hearing it put so baldly was more heartrending than he’d thought it would be. He thought about leaving, but had just enough masochist in him to stay.

“Then what exactly are you looking for? It sure doesn’t seem like you’re having any luck finding it.” Chad was quiet for a moment. “Ever wonder why that is?”

“Look, it’s nothing against Jensen. If things were different. If _I_ were different, I’d have begged him to fuck me years ago. I just...I need something he can’t give me.”

“What?”

“I know you don’t get the whole lifestyle I’m in, and I know you don’t really want to hear it, but I need to be dominated. I need someone stronger, more powerful...someone taller than me that can hold me down and make me do what they say. Jensen is,” Jared stopped for a moment. “Jensen would be perfect if he were just...bigger.”

Wait, Jared’s only problem with him was that he wasn’t _taller_ than Jared was? Jensen sat up quickly, his mind racing. Okay, so all of Jensen’s dreams had come true except for one thing: Jared didn’t understand what true dominance was. Well, that was going to change.

Jared was going to find out that, while Jensen may be shorter than him, Jensen was exactly the Dom for him. Jensen scrambled up, throwing his empty bottle away and moving back to the front door, opening and slamming it while he yelled for Jared.

He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to do yet, but he’d show Jared that size had nothing to do with power. As Jared yelled at him to shut the fuck up, Jensen grinned. This was one pretty little sub that wasn’t getting away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a very truncated timeline. By that, I mean that these things happened, but they were spread out from February of 2017 to March of 2018. I've smooshed them a bit and been deliberately vague with time for that reason.

Jensen spent the next few days just observing Jared and formulating a plan. After just a couple days, Jensen wasn’t sure how he’d missed the fact that Jared was a sub. It was clear as day. He figured maybe the fact he’d wanted Jared so much for so long had dulled his senses. That had to be it.

Jared was loud and boisterous, sure, but a lot of the confidence and bravado he displayed was just that – a cover. Jared would fight anyone for his friends, but had trouble sometimes believing that he was worthy of the same. He loved to make people laugh and play pranks that people talked about for months, but there were times he didn’t know when to stop. He would laugh and play even when his depression was steadily gaining hold.

A good, caring Dom could help Jared with all these things. Hell, Jensen already did some of it for him, and it really wouldn’t take much for him to do the rest. If that’s what Jared wanted, of course.

There were many kinds of submission and just as many of dominance. Jensen liked to scene – loved the rush of taking someone he’d never met and breaking them down to their most base selves. He tried to imagine Jared in a scene: his long, sleek body bound and gagged, tears and snot and saliva coating his face, ropes of muscle bunched in pain and ecstasy. He tensed when he visualized the Doms Jared would choose – people Jensen didn’t know and didn’t trust.

He switched in his mind’s eye to Jared at home and not in the relative safety of a club. He saw Jared picking someone up – someone tall and muscled – someone he thought could hurt him like he needed. He could see someone taking what was his, breaking Jared and leaving him with no or minimal aftercare – Jared falling asleep with his skin smarting but his heart unfulfilled.

Maybe that’s all Jared was looking for. Maybe he wasn’t looking for 24/7. That was something Jensen needed to know to get his plan right. It took him two days of struggling to realize he only had a couple ways to truly find out what it was Jared was after – ask the man himself, or ask a very close friend of Jared’s. The first was completely out of the question and the second meant Chad. That alone was nearly enough to stop Jensen in his tracks.

One good long look at Jared wrestling his way out of Sam Winchester’s clothes was enough to set him right back on course.

“Murray.”

There was clattering and what sounded like open mouthed chewing on the other end of the line.

“Ackles?” Chad asked. “Did something happen to Jared? Is he alright?”

“He’s fine. I just needed to talk to you.”

“What the hell would you want to talk to me about?” There was more noise and then, “You finally getting around to asking me for my boy’s hand in marriage or something?”

Jensen huffed. “I just need to know a few things.”

“So ask Jared.”

“You think if I could ask Jared that I’d have bothered to call you?”

“I don’t know, Ackles, you don’t strike me as the sharpest knife in the drawer.”

Jensen growled.

“You’ve been lusting after my boy for years and haven’t done shit. Dull as stones,” Chad enunciated. “What are you looking for now?”

Jensen gritted his teeth, but started again. “I know what Jared’s into, alright, Murray? I just need to know...”

“What he’s into? You mean cheesy pop and comedies?”

“You know what I mean, Murray. I just need to know if he’s looking for something full time, alright?” Jensen ground out. “So which is it? He just looking to scene or he looking for something else?”

There was silence for a moment. “Why you want to know?”

“I just do.”

“He’s looking for something permanent. That’s all I know. He’s after _the one_.”

Jensen pumped his fist in the air and opened his mouth to thank Murray.

“You hurt him, and I’ll find a way to kill you, Ackles. I mean it.” The line went dead a second later.

**

Jensen’s plan was simple. He’d already being doing some things for Jared that his Dom would do. It had come naturally to him even when he didn’t think Jared was in the life. It also came naturally for Jared to let him do it. All he had to do was step up his efforts.

Jensen and Jared were legendary for their pranks and for breaking their guest stars when they were trying to deliver their lines. Sometimes, Jared had a problem keeping himself in control. Jensen usually just let him run with it. Now though, he started exerting a little more control.

Jared and Misha were shooting a scene at a diner. Jensen was supposed to enter a couple scenes later. Jared was doing everything he could to make sure Misha would not get through his lines. Jensen could tell the director was getting more exasperated by the moment. As Misha cracked up one more time, groaning and kicking out at Jared under the table, Jensen slipped into the scene.

He dropped his hand onto Jared’s shoulder, squeezing a bit as he leaned into him. “It’s enough, Jared,” he said, low enough no one else could hear them. “People are getting tired. Settle down.”

Jared smiled at him, instinctively dropping his head. “You’re right, Jensen.”

The rest of the shoot went smoothly.

**

Jared and Jensen did a lot of conventions and events. A lot. These were the perfect opportunities for Jensen to start subtly training Jared to submit to him.

Every time they did their jump at the beginning of their panels, Jensen was the one to direct the timing. It had always been that way – people were always looking to him, letting him lead. He had always done so without thought, but now he started to draw more of Jared’s attention to what was happening – to the fact that people looked to him for direction. Jared had always just accepted it without question. Jared was trusting. Score one for Jared.

In Vegas, Rob Benedict tried to climb Jared like a tree, and Jensen was left staring at Jared’s giant paw wrapped around the cheek of Rob’s ass. Oh, no. That wasn’t happening. “Alright. Alright. That’s enough,” he said, pushing between them. Jared laughed, but Jensen saw him check quickly to make sure Jensen wasn’t really angry. One more reason for Jensen to want him. Jared wanted to keep him happy.

In New Jersey, Jared’s seat had somehow gotten moved far from where it should be. Jensen had said, “Nobody puts baby in the corner,” and directed Jared to stand with a quick hand movement. Jared stood immediately, not even once considering that Jensen wouldn’t move his chair for him. Excellent. His boy was amazingly responsive.

In DC, Jared was rambling yet again about another man – about how strong and big he was. Jensen, tired of hearing it (especially since he now knew why Jared was so fascinated by men that were bigger than him), interrupted him. “They’ve been dating for seven years now.” The crowd shouted in laughter and Jared bent over laughing, telling Jensen, “Why did you do that?” Jensen noticed he stopped bringing it up, though. Jared was quick.

At Paleyfest, Jared was doing his best to wave to and interact with fans, even when he and Jensen had a schedule to keep. Jensen took care of that, beckoning him when he lagged behind, guiding him where he needed to go with a firm hand on Jared’s back, and once, simply grabbing Jared’s wrist and dragging him along. Jensen noticed Jared staring after him from under his lashes, sneaking peeks like a flirty, shy little thing, his dimples playing hide and seek with his smile. Jensen wholeheartedly approved.

**

It was time for Jensen's big move. He couldn’t wait.

  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been blech in real life. 
> 
> The places and craftsmen mentioned in this chapter are real and are part of the Vancouver and surrounding areas sensual Lifestyle community. Some details are changed.
> 
> What I have in mind for Jensen's harness is one from a creator on Etsy and I've included a photo and the link. If you'd like, I can include links to the cock and glans rings, as well. Just let me know in the comments.

Vancouver was a town with a lot to offer. Shopping, entertainment, celebrity, glamour – and a thriving lifestyle scene that catered to a variety of people looking to be seen, those banking on not ever being seen, and everyone in between. Jensen preferred the Allure Club. It was less than an hour outside of Vancouver proper, was a membership only club, and was discrete enough to offer Jensen the anonymity he needed – even if people recognized him, they didn’t show it by so much as a stare or a dropped jaw.

Club Allure was not hardcore – it catered, in fact, to beginners, couples looking to swing, and the more experienced lifestyler alike. Their equipment was somewhat limited, but the members and the almost homey space suited Jensen.

Jensen generally slipped on a hat and sunglasses and he could blend in pretty well with any crowd. There had been plenty of times he’d been with Jared but no one had seen him until he wanted them to, even with his above average height and build. That came in very handy when you had things you wanted to keep to yourself.

Jared was not so lucky. He was too tall, too recognizable, even with his glorious hair piled under a beanie and his sunglasses on, Jared stood out in almost any crowd he was in. Jensen had never seen him at Club Allure, so he set about finding out where Jared liked to look for Doms.

A few discreet inquiries and many favors owed to some of his oldest lifestyle friends later, Jensen knew right where Jared spent most of his time – Rascals Club. Satisfied, Jensen tucked the information away and started working on his plan. Jared wasn’t going to know what hit him.

Jensen took to leaving his laptop open and asking Jared to do things that put him where he had to see. First, he left the passport he needed for their overseas convention under the edge. The email he left open was from Smexification – a custom artisan in Vancouver that made BDSM accessories and clothing. The subject was _Custom Body Harness_. Jared looked flushed when he came back with Jensen’s passport – and the laptop that Jensen “almost forgot”.

He left his laptop open to Dreams of Leather’s handcrafted formal collars when Jared came over to watch the game one evening, and watched as Jared’s hand almost unconsciously caressed his bare, sweaty throat. Jensen didn't close the computer. Jared missed most of the beginning of the game.

The last was a few days later – he’d spoken to a tattoo artist in Vancouver that had emailed him back to let him know that, yes, she was “kink friendly” and while she did branding as well as tattooing, she didn’t do body piercings. Helpfully, her email included a referral that did. Jared had fled to the bathroom soon after, but not before Jensen had seen the thick line of Jared’s cock chubbing up along his thigh. He made a note to find out which of the body mods she’d mentioned had done it.

**

Jensen’s new chest harness came the next week. When Jared mentioned he was going out “...to get some, Jensen. It’s been way too long!”, Jensen went home and got ready to go out himself.

He showered then took special care with moisturizing his body until it glistened in the harsh light of his bathroom, knowing it would shine under the darkened lights at the club. He kept his leather oiled and cared for and his new harness had come to him impeccably worked and protected. The metal rings connecting the intricate web of leather were cold against his skin, and the new leather chafed just enough as he moved to remind him what he was wearing and why.

His pants were buttery and soft, well worn and smooth. The lining was slick and glided effortlessly over his cock – that he’d idly stroked until it started to stretch out, long and thick against his upper thigh, before clamping his favorite cock ring over his balls and the base of his cock – which stayed a long, half hard line clearly visible under the leather. He put on his heavy boots and wide leather bands worn right under his elbows and around his wrists.

His hair was natural, with little product to get into his eyes once he started to sweat in the heat of play. He slipped a supple play collar, a stainless glans ring, a cock strap and his ID and credit cards into a special interior pocket of his pants. A wide, slinky leather belt and a discreet hoodie and Jensen was ready.

Less than a half an hour later, Jensen pulled into Rascals covered parking garage. On his way in, he spotted Jared’s SUV not far from his own. Good. It was going to be an amazing night.

 

Jensen's harness:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/193250729/leather-chest-harness-mens-king-of-the


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen had looked through Rascal’s website and contacted them over a week ago. He’d discussed rules, expectations, and had set up a time to complete their required in person interview. He’d explained his occupation, the need for both flexibility and anonymity and they’d allowed him immense flexibility in coming by. He hadn’t mentioned his reliance on Jared being there, but luckily, everything worked out in his favor.

Jensen would have preferred to get there before Jared, hoping Jared would catch him mid-scene, but he’d just have to be careful as he entered and found someone to scene with. He had very carefully formulated a plan, and hopefully, he’d be able to find a willing partner. If not, simply being seen there by Jared would also jumpstart the next part of his plan.

Rascals was a proper play club. Dungeon monitors – volunteers who were not attached to _any_ particular club, visited lifestyle events and made sure all play was safe, sane and consensual (SSC) – watched closely to verify the rules were always followed, and everyone was being treated well. Rascals was a low protocol club, but there was no alcohol or drugs allowed pre-scene, no photos or filming and consent was strictly monitored. It was a sensual space, not a sexual one, and that suited Jensen’s needs perfectly. He wanted Jared to see him in a scene, but actually fucking someone in front of him was’t what he was after – at least not right now.

Jensen had decided that he would look for someone taller than him, if possible, but would settle for someone close to his height if he had to. He’d also chosen rope work for the scene. He loved the intricacies of bondage – simple knots meant for nothing other than binding and keeping or the beauty of flesh sliding and swelling between complicated coils of rope and ties.

Rascals had a wonderful octagon suspension frame and he couldn’t help but picture Jared, draped in Jensen’s rope, muscles bulging, breath hitching, spinning slowly – a living work of art for everyone to see. Shaking himself minutely, Jensen stepped into the club. A quick stop at the main office then the locker room to shuck and store his hoodie and he was stepping into the play area.

Jensen was under no illusion about his attractiveness. Women and men alike had made it clear he was appealing. He used that now, his shoulders raising and spreading, his stance widening, his expression hardening. For Jensen, dominance was all about control. He was meticulous in both the way he gained control and how he wielded it once it was granted to him.

Jensen glanced around, carefully searching for both Jared and someone to play with. Luckily, he caught sight of Jared rather quickly. He was sitting at a table on the other side of the room with a blond Jensen abruptly realized he’d seen before. Gritting his teeth, Jensen moved on, sticking to his side of the room, sidling up to the full bar.

He’d been looking for five minutes, flicking his eyes over faces, idly cataloging everyone as he went. He found him at a crowded table about midway from the bar. He was tall and dark, slim and pleasant in a way Jensen liked, and he dropped his head sweetly when Jensen smiled at him. When he looked back, Jensen lifted his chin, beckoning the man closer.

He said something to his friends and came, hands clasped in front of him. When he was close, Jensen spoke.

“Are you owned?”

“No, Sir.”

“What are you here for?”

“Whatever comes my way, Sir.”

“I see.” Jensen circled his finger, and the man obligingly turned. He was tall, just as Jensen had suspected, somewhere between his own and Jared’s height, and broad. “Shirt off.” He immediately complied. His biceps bulged and his chest and abs were roped with muscle. He was beautiful.

“What is your name?”

“Anything you want it to be, Sir.”

“Very good, but I want your name.”

“Ryan, Sir.”

“I’d like to put on a little show tonight, Ryan. Nothing sexual. I’d like to tie you on one of their frames. Nothing too complicated.” Jensen trailed his fingers over Ryan’s chest and watched his nipples harden. “It’s been awhile for me since I’ve had someone so attractive tied and at my mercy. If you’re interested, respond with your safeword.”

Ryan paused for just a moment. “Syrup, Sir.”

Jensen smiled at him and repeated it. “Syrup is your safeword, correct?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Aren’t you a good boy?”

Ryan’s eyelashes fluttered at that. “I hope so, Sir.”

“Come. I’ll explain what I expect from your behavior as we go.” Ryan trailed Jensen, one step behind and one step to the right at all times, his stride almost automatically adjusting to the deliberately uneven gait Jensen adopted on their way to the suspension frame. “You may wait for me in front of the frame. Lay your shirt over the chair just over there. Don’t fidget.”

Jensen made his way to the club’s storage cabinets, quickly finding what he needed. He was impressed at their overall selection of items in general and rope specifically. He chose several bundles of soft hemp rope – his favorite for even the most complicated rope work. Complex knots tended to collapse together and the ropes would often flatten under tension as they softened even more with age and washings but overall, the pure sensuality of such a soft, secure rope far outweighed the disadvantages.

Ryan was standing perfectly still, head down hands neatly clasped, in front of the suspension frames. Jensen could hear whispering picking up as he made his way to Ryan.

“Why are you not owned?”

Ryan closed his eyes for a moment. “Do I have to answer that, Sir?”

Jensen placed his palm on Ryan’s shoulder blade. “No, Ryan. You do not. You are beautifully trained. My compliments.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Ready?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Jensen lead him to the octagon frame and instructed him where to initially stand. “The anchor rope will go here,” he explained, looping several thicknesses of rope under Ryan’s right armpit and knotting them at the back of his neck. “This will hold most of your weight as we’re working.”

Jensen told him what he was doing as he did it. “I’m only using simple single and double column ties tonight. Give me your left knee." Jensen lost himself in his task, lifting Ryan’s knee and then his arm. He worked steadily, blocking out the not so subtle murmurs of interest. When he was finally satisfied, he took a step back.

Ryan was gorgeous. The muscles in his arms were tense and thick with veins unused to the strain Jensen’s chosen position had put on them. He kept his head down and had only spoken when Jensen demanded an answer. Ryan’s soft leather pants were pulled tight across his ass and his thigh where his knee was raised to chest level. His foot on the other leg was stretched into a perfect pointe where it barely brushed the ground.

“You’re beautiful and you did so well.”

“Thank you, Sir.” Ryan’s voice was thick with strain and arousal, his cock pressing against his zipper.

Jensen clapped and turned around for the first time since he’d gotten started. “Ladies and Gentleman,” Jensen announced, “my wonderful partner for tonight, Ryan.” The people who were interested stepped forward, admiring Ryan and Jensen’s rope work in equal measure, congratulating him on both. Jensen smiled, but didn’t take his eyes off Jared.

Jared was standing, face blank and inscrutable, empty glass in hand. When his eyes met Jensen's, Jensen was shocked to see hurt flash across his face before he blinked and it was gone. He sat the glass down on the nearest table and was gone.

Jensen stayed just long enough to let everyone who wanted to see then to help Ryan down, rubbing his arms and thighs to help get circulation back to normal. Ryan leaned on him heavily as he did so, then, out of nowhere, whispered, “He died.”

Jensen stopped what he was doing, and filtered his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “I’m so sorry Ryan.”

“This was my second time back doing...” He trailed off.

“I’m honored you chose me.”

“You remind me of him.”

“You remind me of someone, too.”

“I’m glad to be of service, Sir.”

Jensen cupped his cheek and kissed him on the forehead. “Do you need a ride home?”

“No, Sir. My friends are still here.” They stayed for a bit longer, Ryan still a little wobbly on his feet. When he felt better, he bid Jensen good bye and started off. Jensen grabbed his hand as he began to leave.

“Thank you, Ryan. You are a wonderful sub.”

“Thank you, Jensen.”

**

When Jensen opened the door to his apartment, Jared was waiting for him in the dark.

 

 

What I imagined for Jensen's ropework.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooo, sorry for the angst, but I couldn't responsibly let Jensen get away with what he did. Consent is a critical part of a true BDSM relationship - any relationship at all, as a matter of fact. It will get better. I promise.

Jensen went to flip on the light.

“No. I don’t want to see you for this.”

“Jar...”

“Were all those things I _accidentally_ saw on your laptop on purpose?” Jared’s voice was acid.

“Yes.”

“Was you being there tonight a coincidence?”

Jensen’s breath caught for a moment. “No.”

“Goddammit Jensen, I didn’t consent to you stalking me to one of my safe places! What were you even thinking? Were you making fun of me? Playing with me? What?” Jared paced, agitated. “I’m so fucking mad at you right now.”

Jensen had clearly fucked up, might as well take all he deserved. “You’re going to hate the rest, then.”

Jared stopped. “There’s _more_?” His voice was a near shout.

“I heard you on the phone with Chad.”

“Excuse me? Be more clear.”

“I came in and heard you talking on the phone. I stayed. You were talking about why you never let me fuck you.”

“You just, what, sat here and listened to my private conversation?”

“Yes.”

Jared was adorable. Jared was sweet as sticky iced tea left too long in the bottom of the glass on a hot summer afternoon. Jared was rainbows and sweet clover and cool breezes.

Tonight, Jared was the storm.

“Get out of here.”

“It’s my apartment.”

“I don’t care. Leave.”

Jensen left.

**

Jensen went no further than his car. He stayed for an hour. 60 minutes ticking by with recrimination, regret and, if he were honest, a little hope. 60 minutes for him to realize the rest of his life balanced on this night. 57, 58, 59. He went back inside.

The door closing was like a slam. Jared was still there, the yellow light from the street lamps painting the edges of his face and the tops of his knuckles where his fist rested tight on his lips. It was so quiet Jensen could hear the distant traffic like he was standing in the street.

“Why?”

“I want you.”

“So you felt like you could just fuck with my life and my security and my trust to get what you wanted?”

Jensen didn’t answer. There wasn’t anything he could say to that that didn’t sound like an excuse.

“How long?”

“Since you said hello? I don’t even know anymore. It seems like it was always there.”

“Why didn’t you ever say?”

“You didn’t indicate you ever wanted me back.”

“So why the sudden prey hunt?”

Jensen flinched. “I heard you say the only reason you didn’t fuck me was because I was smaller than you.”

“And? You just, what, decided not to respect that? For it to be a challenge? What was it?” Jared rose from the seat as his voice rose. In the low light he was huge and threatening. “Was I some sort of game for you? _Was that it_?” Jared was spitting, his voice hard and cracked down the middle.

Jensen’s Dom chafed and he spoke without thinking, his own voice cutting through the air like a whip. “Jared! Settle!”

Jared’s head immediately lowered, his shoulders tucked down, arms lowering – then he stopped. There was a moment when everything Jensen had ever said to Jared filtered through his head. A split second where everything he _could_ have said followed suit. Then silence. Jensen’s words pulsed in the air like a heartbeat. Jared wasn’t even breathing.

“Don’t you ever try to Dom me without permission again. Do you hear me?”

“I’m...”

“Don’t you dare apologize. There’s not anything you could say to make up for this.”

Jared walked past him, stopping when he was abreast of him for a moment. “Do you think you’re a good Dom, Jensen?”

“Not right now.”

Jared nodded and left. Jensen stood where he was until he couldn’t any longer then sank to the floor. “Maybe not for a long time.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a million other things to do, but I just couldn't leave it where it was. lol

They were back at work on Monday, and they were JaredAndJensen, SamAndDean – just like before. But the smiles never made it Jared’s eyes and both their laughs were tinged in more than a little desperation. No one caught on. They _were_ actors, after all.

Jensen played Jensen Ackles, best friend of Jared Padalecki, current inhabitant of Dean Winchester’s battered skin.

Jared played someone that could still stand the best friend that betrayed him.

Sometimes there’s no award for the best acting of all.

**

Weeks passed and Jensen spoke when Jared spoke to him, stayed as far out of his orbit as he could, and afforded him the respect and space he failed so spectacularly at giving him before.

It was a Tuesday. Jensen remembered because he noticed when he and Jared came to work after the weekend, Jared finally looked at him. Not once, but off and on all day. Jensen wanted to apologize like he hadn’t before, swear he’d never do anything like that again, say anything that Jared wanted to hear.

But that was the thing. Jared didn’t want to hear anything. Any apology at this point would just be to soothe Jensen’s guilt. So he just sent Jared a small smile and left for home at the end of the day.

The next day, he planned to do the same, but Jared stopped him as he left his trailer. “Do you have anything to say to me?”

“I started therapy last week.”

“Therapy? Jensen? What...”

“I’ve been taking a look at my life after what happened. No, _after w_ _hat I did_. We talked about that last week. The words we choose and taking responsibility. It wasn’t _just_ that of course, but that was kind of the kick I needed.

"I’ve been second guessing just about everything since then. Why I chose to scene with strangers instead of looking for something more permanent. Why I assumed that just because I wanted you, you were mine to take. Even my interaction with Ryan that night. He – well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve betrayed enough confidences.”

“I saw you with him. It was beautiful work. A little painful, especially after our discussion, but beautiful.”

“What?”

“It was a real shock to see you there. To see you like that. And then, wow, the reasons you were there...” Jared stopped for a bit, shaking his head as if to clear it. “It hurt to know you took better care with a stranger’s feelings than...” Jared’s voice trailed off.

“Than someone I love,” Jensen finished for him. Jared flinched, but barely. “I know. I’ve come to realize just how unfair I’ve been for most of my life. Mostly to myself.”

“Good therapist?”

“Yeah. He’s in the life, you know, trained to deal with our _particular issues_.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’m going to head out. It was good talking to you. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Jared.”

The warmth of Jared’s hand on his shoulder felt like a brand. It felt like hope.

**

Friday came and brought with it a grueling shoot. He and Jared were exhausted and the sun had set hours ago. There was a light mist in the air, not enough to be too much rain to shoot but too much for them to be comfortable. They staggered to their trailers, eager to drop their costumes and get home.

Jared stopped him before they separated. “Are you busy tomorrow?”

“No, I just planned to hang at home.”

“Can we talk? Spend some time?” Jared looked at Jensen solemnly. “Maybe we can work some things out.”

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

**

Saturday was dark – overcast and roiling – like Jensen’s thoughts. He wondered if Jared was going to finally cut through the last of his hope – if he was going to cast him adrift. He wondered how he’d cope.

Jared was early. _Eager to get rid of him,_ Jensen assumed.

Things were awkward in a way it had never been with Jared – not even when they met for the very first time. Jensen offered him a seat and a drink like Jared had never been to a house before and had no idea what a fridge looked like. Jared just smiled softly and took a beer.

After a few minutes of Jensen looking everywhere else but the one place he wanted to, Jared set his beer down and cleared his throat. Jensen stiffened.

“We sure fucked this up, didn’t we?”

“What?”

“I need to know the truth. Have you ever done anything like this before?”

“No. I’ve been...” Jensen paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts. “I’ve been a good Dom. I just...I just never let myself really care about someone enough to see them more than once or twice.”

“Okay.” Jared spoke carefully. “And what if you had wanted someone more permanently. Would you have gone after them like this?”

“I don’t think so. There wouldn’t be this situation – this years long yearning and the idea that I know better than them. It wouldn’t be the same.”

“I can clearly see you mean that.” They sat in silence for a few moments. “How did we get here?”

“Is that rhetorical?”

“No, it’s really not.”

“We were going to watch the game. I came over and heard you talking in your office. I grabbed a beer and sat down to wait. I didn’t think anything about it until you put Chad on speaker and I heard my name.” Jensen stood and starting pacing.

“I’ve wanted you for a long time. It was...devastating to hear that not only had we wasted all these years because we couldn’t just have a simple conversation, but that even if we had, you wouldn’t let yourself accept me as a Dom because I’m three inches shorter than you are.”

“We were closer to each other than we ever have been to anyone else. How is it neither of us ever talked about this?”

“For me, I didn’t want to lose you. It’s stupid and I do trust you, Jared. I swear I do. I just… I learned the hard way to be wary of letting people know about my...predilections.”

“Me too. There’s a lot of misconception and misinformation out there. I’ve lost a lot of friends and really had my feeling hurt by people I thought loved me. People who were “just joking” or “just trying to understand”. But how did we, who were so close, not trust enough for this conversation?”

“Why did you not tell me you broke up with Sandy until almost two weeks later? Why did I hesitate to tell you when I was seeing that guy Season 4? I don’t know.” Jensen scrubbed his hands over his face. “There’s safety in the life, you know? So much is spelled out for you. You talk about everything because you’re _required_ to. There are a lot fewer unknowns when you have a thick contract with just about everything someone wants and needs laid out for you. You know what scares them. What turns them on. How far you can go. We don’t get that outside the life. Faith is a lot more blind on the vanilla side of things.”

“I’m so disappointed.” Jared’s voice sounded broken in a way Jensen had only heard from Sam Winchester. He straightened, but didn’t go to Jared. “I’m so disappointed. In you. In me.” He looked dead at Jensen, his eyes hard. “In _us_. We’re better than this, Jensen.”

“Maybe we’re not. Maybe this is a very painful lesson in trust and communication. And maybe in what true dominance actually is.” Jensen didn’t know if it was smart to bring it up. They were walking a tight rope even now and any wrong move could tear apart the uneasy peace they’d brokered.

Jared didn’t say anything.

Carefully, Jensen continued, “Is it just a preference thing? I mean, it didn’t really sound that way when I overheard you talking to Chad. It sounded like you truly think only someone bigger than you can really Dom you. Is that right?”

“Do you really want to know, Jensen? Or are you just looking for an opportunity to tell me I’m wrong?”

That stung a little, he wasn’t going to lie, but he understood. “I really want to know. And, yes, I would give anything to change your mind, but Jared,” Jensen leaned forward, eyes intent on Jared’s, “I won’t push you on this, I swear. Not again.”

Jared was quiet for a moment, like he was deciding what to say. “It’s not exactly like you’re thinking. I do know that dominance has nothing to do with physical size. I’ve seen a tiny woman bring someone my size effortlessly to heel. But I’ve also seen someone easily twice the size of their sub and what that dynamic was like – the physicality of it, the sheer size difference. That’s what I was after.” It was Jared’s turn to pace. “I tried it the other way around. I worked and worked until I was as big as I could be. I dated tiny, pretty little things who let me hold them and carry them and _surround_ them. And all I could think was why can’t someone do that for me?”

“Oh, Jared.”

“I’d give anything to not be so tall.”

“Did you ever find anyone...” Jensen faltered, not sure if he really wanted to know.

“No. They were always wrong somehow. Not funny enough, not Dom enough, no personality.” Jared snorted. “I’m still looking.”

There was silence for a long time. It was a little lighter than it had been before.

“Where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know, Jared. _Not_ back where we were, that’s for sure.”

“No. Definitely not backwards.” Jared hummed, “Maybe it’s time for something brand new.”

Jensen stood up and wiped his palms on his thighs, then held out his hand. “Hi there. I’m Jensen Ackles. I’m a Dom and I think I’ve been in love with you for years. In heavy lust at the very least.”

Jared stared up at him for a moment, seconds ticking by as Jensen stood there. Then he stood, slapped Jensen’s hand away and threw his arms around him. “You’re an idiot, is what you are.”

Jensen laughed, squeezing Jared as tightly as he dared. “Not anymore, sweetheart. Not either one of us.”

They say that any damage can be repaired as long as the foundation stays strong. Sometimes though, the best choice is building something new.

“Don’t call me sweetheart.”

“Honeybun?”

“No.”

“Snookums? Pookie? Cooki-”

“How about you call me your best friend?”

“I can do that.”

Jared clasped Jensen firmly on the shoulder and nodded. “We’ll see where we go from there.”

“See you at work on Monday.”

“Not if I see you first!”

It was a start.


	7. Chapter 7

Life went on, as it’s wont to do. Jared and Jensen rebuilt and moved forward with a friendship that was stronger than it had ever been.

Jensen started therapy and stopped sceneing until he got the jumble in his head all straightened out. He focused on why he was reluctant to let anyone into his life permanently, and worked on figuring out what exactly had happened with Jared and why.

“So you, in your own words, tricked and stalked the best friend you want to fuck?”

“Yeah.”

“I take it he didn’t appreciate that very much.”

“Not really. The screaming kind of tipped me off that he was a bit unhappy about it.”

“I see. Is that why you’re here?”

“Sort of? But not really.”

“Okay.” The therapist stretched the word out slightly, inviting Jensen to continue.

Jensen declined the invitation.

“So why are you here?”

Jensen stared into space for moment, then started to talk. “I’ve felt a little...out of sorts lately. I’m getting older, you know? People all around me are settled. I’m...well, I’m the same as I was when I was 25. Like, exactly the same. It shouldn’t be that way, should it?”

“I don’t know, should it?”

Jensen just glared. “I’m starting to remember why I avoided therapy all these years.”

The therapist laughed. “Things being the same is only a bad thing if you feel it’s a bad thing. Some people have the same routine their entire adult lives and are blissfully happy about that. It would appear you aren’t one of those people.”

“I was.”

“What changed it?”

“Daddy issues? Church guilt? Realizing my child rearing years are quickly coming to an end?”

“Are any of those serious?”

“Yes and no. I mean, I do have a twinge from time to time when I realize that What Jesus Would Do probably wouldn’t include a ball gag and a breeding bench. But I generally cane someone and feel better.”

“And the daddy issues?”

“See WWJD.”

“Ah. So that just leaves the kid thing.”

“You don’t talk much like I thought a shrink would.”

“Should have realized how awesome we were before now. So, children...”

“It’s not really about children. More the whole blissful package. I should have that already shouldn’t I?”

“I know people who never marry or have children and they’re happy as little lambs.”

“Before or after the slaughter?”

“Well, _that_ was dark. Close your eyes and imagine your spouse and children. What do you see?”

“Jared in an apron and a small girl stabbing her brother with a butter knife while he systematically dismembers her favorite doll.”

“That’s quite a backstory.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Question is, Jensen… Are you deflecting, or is that what you really want?”

“That’s the 64 thousand dollar question, isn’t it, doc?”

“Nah, I don’t charge nearly that much.”

**

Jensen was not having a good day. At all. Jared had come to him as they were leaving work and told him he was going out. It was the first time that Jensen knew about since their horrible fight. It felt like a test – one Jensen wasn’t about to fail.

He’d smiled and clapped Jared on the shoulder and wished him a good time. Here at home, though, his jealousy was eating him alive. He was tempted to head to Allure for a rigorous scene or three to keep him occupied but forced himself to stay home and to focus on anything but what Jared might be doing right that second.

He was staring idly at some kind of nature documentary and identifying with the prey and predator at different moments through the night. He had just leaned forward during a particularly vicious battle between a wolf and a hyena when his doorbell rang. Frowning, he paused his show and went to see who it was.

“Who is it?”

“Uber driver. I have a passenger who wanted to come here. He’s in a bad way, though. It okay to drop him here or no?”

“What? Who is it?”

“It’s a… Jared something.”

Jensen threw open the door, caution bedamned. “Jared? What do you mean he’s in a bad way?”

“He’s shaking and can barely talk. I think he’s sick. I offered to take him to the hospital but he just kept saying your name and address.”

“It’s alright. I got him.” Jensen ran to the car and wrenched open the door. Jared was leaning heavily against it and started to fall as Jensen opened it. Jensen grabbed him and brushed Jared’s hair back from his face, quickly looking for injuries. There didn’t appear to be any. Jared’s skin was cold and he was indeed shaking and muttering under his breath.

“Jared. Sweetheart. Hey. Can you focus for me?”

Jared looked up at him for a moment, his eyes feverishly bright in his pale face. He leaned further into Jensen when he finally recognized him. Jensen eased him out of the car and thanked the driver. Jensen led Jared into the house as quickly as possible, then eased him down onto the couch.

“Jay? I’m going to get a few things, alright? Are you going to be okay for a few minutes?” Jared just let his head drop to the sofa back and didn’t answer. “Jared. Come on, Jay. I need to know.” Still no reply.

“Jared!” Jensen asked sharply, and snapped his fingers close to Jared’s face. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Jared nodded and closed his eyes.

Jensen made sure Jared was stable where he was sitting and then quickly began to gather items. He got blankets, throws and pillows and dropped them on the couch, and dragged the coffee table closer. He put the remotes and game controllers on it, and headed to the kitchen for some essentials after checking to make sure Jared was still alright. He started the coffee maker and gathered Jared’s favorite snacks, a handful of protein bars and some room temperature water to add to the collection on the coffee table.

He ran his hands through Jared’s bangs. They were sweaty but Jared was still shivering like he was cold. Jensen could see his pulse pounding between his collarbones. Jensen covered him with his softest blanket. “Jared? Jay. Sweetheart?”

Jared lolled his head toward Jensen.

“Are you hurt? Do you need help with anything?”

“B-back.”

“Okay. Were you whipped? Flogged?”

Jared nods, “And crop.”

“Okay, Jay. Give me one more minute, okay?”

“Shower.”

“Not right now, sweetheart, okay? We’ll get you cleaned up though, okay?”

Jared nodded.

Jensen raced to his room, gathering a soft worn pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt Jared had left long ago. He grabbed soft socks and boxers and his first aid kit out of the bathroom. He was almost out the door when he went back for some mild body wash and a couple wet washcloths and some towels. A bowl of warm water from the kitchen and he had all his supplies.

He gently uncovered Jared, talking to him as he manhandled Jared into place and carefully undressed him. He washed Jared quickly and checked for wounds as he went. There was nothing on the front of his body but a couple of lash marks on his thighs. They looked good and had not cut the skin. He applied cream where needed, and lowered Jared gently to his stomach.

His back, ass and upper thighs were littered with lash marks but they looked uniform and clean. He cleaned, dried and treated them quickly, easing Jared up and dressing him carefully before settling him back on the couch.

Shaking out some of Jared’s preferred pain reliever, Jensen watched carefully as he took it, ensuring he didn’t drink too much water too quickly, then offered him something to eat. Jared refused, so Jensen settled down on the sofa, his back to the arm and both legs spread as he tucked Jared into place between them and piled on the blankets.

He murmured to Jared and flicked the TV on low for them to listen to until Jared’s shivering eventually slowed then stopped. Jared started answering him and it wasn’t long before his voice was firmer and more sure.

“What happened, Jay?”

“It… It all got fucked up in my head.”

“What did?”

“You, me, another wrong Sir.”

“I don’t understand, Jay.”

“I kept seeing your face. Hearing your voice. I couldn’t focus. I just… It felt like punishment but no one would tell me what I did wrong. Or like I was in one episode but we were filming something else.” Jared was quiet for a moment. “He did everything right. Said everything right. I safeworded halfway through. I couldn’t go through with it any longer.”

“Did he just leave you?”

“No, no. He stayed with me for a little bit. I told him I was okay so he would leave. But I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t okay at all.”

“Sub drop,” Jensen stated.

“Anxiety attack,” Jared nodded. “Must have been too soon.”

“Jared...”

“I just want to rest, Jensen. We can talk later, can’t we? I just need to watch some mindless TV, snuggle a bit and maybe even eat something.” Jensen opened his mouth, but Jared cut him off. “Later.”

They fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a Bachlorette marathon. When Jensen woke up, Jared was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooooooooorry! Don't hate me for taking so long!!!!! Love you all!

For a man pushing seven feet, Jared was remarkably good at fading into the background when he didn’t want to be seen. He was on and off set so quickly that Jensen knew he’d have to confront him on set if he wanted to get anywhere at all. He didn’t answer his phone. Jensen doubted he would answer his door. But what could he do in the middle of the set?

They’d just wrapped a fairly intense scene when Jensen came up to Jared after and hugged him. To the crew it looked like support after a tough day. In reality, Jensen was whispering in Jared’s ear.

“I will cause the scene of all scenes if you don’t answer your phone when I call tonight. I was on a soap opera, you know.”

Jared stiffened for a moment then slumped like his muscles had been cut. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep running. I just...” He didn’t finish.

Jensen took a half step closer and hugged him for real. “I know, Jared. I know.”

They stepped back, Jensen’s hands still on Jared’s shoulders. “You’ll answer?”

“Yeah,” Jared said.

Jensen felt like it wasn’t just his phone call they were talking about anymore.

*

Jared did indeed answer. They talked about everything and nothing important, but at least Jared was talking. Jensen considered it a win. At this point, he’d take anything he could get.

They started hanging out again and slowly, Jensen started talking about his visits to his therapist. Jared opened up about his own therapy and how scenes affected his depression and self-esteem. For Jared, being humiliated with his explicit permission sometimes helped him focus on what was affecting him and sometimes made everything worse.

It was nearly impossible some days to tell if he was going to need to safeword. It was also impossible to tell how the people he was sceneing with were going to take it. They talked for hours, for days.

Jensen had thought he was in love with Jared before; had thought he was closer to Jared than nearly anyone else in his life. But they hadn’t really known each other, both keeping the deeper parts of themselves close and safe. They were best friends and near strangers all at the same time.

Jensen was shaken. He was even deeper in love. And his world was about to change.

**

“I want to see you in a scene,” Jared said.

It took Jensen a moment to realize what he’d said.

“Not when I’m being blindsided,” Jared continued. “Not when I’m not expecting it. I want to see you. On purpose. When you’re ready.”

Jensen thought about it for a few minutes, the room quiet and still. He and Jared had never felt the need to fill the spaces in their lives, content to spend time and just be. He wished, for a moment, that Jared would save him from the crushing silence.

“Alright,” he said finally, scrubbing his hand over his face and through his hair. “I can do that.”

“When you’re ready,” Jared emphasized again.

*

It took him a month before he felt comfortable stepping back into a scene. He and Jared discussed where to find a partner, with Jensen nixing Ryan right away.

“He lost the person he loved. He needs someone better than me to help him heal.”

It took another two weeks to find someone who not only felt comfortable with Jared watching but made Jensen and Jared feel comfortable, as well. They hadn’t explained why Jared was going to be there, just that he was and was going to be hands off. They’d agreed beforehand to keep what they were going through theirs alone.

Reactions ranged from reluctance to acceptance to those few were entirely too interested in exactly what Jared’s role would be. Jensen shuffled those people away as quickly as possible. Jared would snicker at Jensen’s grumpy face when he got back.

Jax was a good guy and led the conversation by saying he was a switch, but didn’t seem too disappointed when Jensen made it clear Jared would only be an observer. Jax didn’t ask questions about Jensen and Jared’s relationship, though he did question Jensen thoroughly about his style and attitudes. He was in a relationship of his own but had the freedom to scene when he wanted with who he wanted. Jax offered Jensen his partner’s contact information and Jensen tucked it away to check on later.

They agreed to a full scene at Jared’s house. Impact play was in, blood play was out. CBT was a particular favorite of all of them. Sex was negotiable, depending on how things went, but was unlikely. Jax did look a little melancholy at that, but Jensen took it as a compliment.

*

“I’m having a heart attack.”

“You’re not having a heart attack.”

“Are you sure? You’re not a doctor, you know.”

“We can not do this, Jensen,” Jared said, worried. “Let’s cancel.”

“No, no. I’m ready, I swear.”

“You don’t really look very ready.”

Jensen took a deep breath and forced himself to settle. “It’s just been awhile, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jared nodded. “I know.”

Jensen focused on the steady pounding of his heart and keeping his breathing slow and even. There was a blip when Jax rang the doorbell, but Jensen pulled himself together. Stretching, he headed for the door.

*

Jax was a dream. His form and manners were perfect. His body was long and sleek, muscles stretched or bunched at Jensen’s will. Jensen had whipped him, burned him and tormented him, and Jax took it all with grace and beauty and pain. He was free with his suffering, vocal and proud, and he let Jensen know if he needed help meeting Jensen’s orders.

Jensen currently had him tied to a cross and had stuffed both his cock and his ass. Jensen was trailing melting wax over the whip marks on his back and ass and listening to him hiss and scream around the ring gag. Jensen’s cock was hard, but he didn’t know if it was Jared’s eyes burning a hole in his back, the sounds of Jax’s anguish or the feel of instruments he hadn’t held in months.

He’d unbuckled Jax’s gag and grabbed hold of his hair. He was going to bend Jax’s head back and see how well he took Jensen’s spit; if he was as grateful for that as everything else Jensen had given him. Jax’s eyes widened and his lips parted.

“Pi.”

There are a lot of control methods whether you’re in a scene or living the lifestyle 24/7. The easiest is the color system, but there are safewords, hand gestures, body movements. There are a thousand ways to keep safe.

Since there were three of them, Jensen had asked for safewords.

Pi was Jared’s.

Jensen immediately let go of Jax and headed to Jared.

“Jared? Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“Stop,” Jared said. “I need you to stop.”

Jensen nodded and immediately began to release Jax from the cross. “Breathe, Jax,” Jensen said as he slowly and carefully removed the sound and the dildo from Jax’s body and unclamped his nipples. They’d pressed into the cross as Jensen worked, so his chest was red and inflamed but the skin was unbroken. He quickly took stock and carefully patted down the marks on his back and ass looking for trouble spots.

He made him comfortable and brought him water and a cool cloth for his face and neck. “I’ll be back okay, I need to check on Jared.”

Jax nodded and shooed him away.

“Jared...” he started.

“You need to get him cleaned up and dressed,” Jared interrupted. “That wax can be annoying.”

“Jared,” Jensen started again, his voice firm. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Jared looked up then, his eyes teary and miserable.

“Jared, sweetheart, please.”

‘I’m in love with you,” he said. “I’m in love with you,” he repeated.

Jensen pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Oh, baby. I love you too.”

**

_Six months later_

“Now the other one. That’s right. Straighten your back a little. You really need to work on your form, my love.”

Jared glared up at Jensen. Well, Jensen thought he did, it was hard to tell with Jensen’s cock resting across the bridge of Jared’s nose and forehead.

“Ah, ah, ah, sweetheart. No need to be ugly. Punishment isn’t supposed to be fun.”

Jared was an amazing sub. They still didn’t live together, and they were in this strange grey area between sceneing and living 24/7, and Jensen could swear that Jared still had some doubts from time to time, but Jensen was happier than he could frankly ever remember being.

They had their issues, but that was part of any relationship. Jensen was reluctant when Jared asked him for any kind of humiliation, his love for Jared getting in the way of being and doing what Jared needed at the moment. Jared’s emotions were wild sometimes and would swing widely between points of critical mass. A bout of serious insecurity had led to his current predicament.

Jared was beautiful. He was energy and light. He loved being dominated. He loved being controlled. He loved the freedom of making important decisions unhampered by the smaller things that Jensen took care of for him.

What he did not love was stillness. He could be quiet. He could be gentle. He could be sweet and kind.

He could also sulk like a child when Jensen doled out punishment.

Jensen tried not to laugh. He really, really did.

Jared was kneeling with his hands clasped to his elbows, one of Jensen’s balls stuffed in his mouth while Jensen made supper. Jensen had planned a pretty easy supper that didn’t require him to move much, but Jared was required to crawl behind him from the sink to the counter to the stove before taking one of Jensen’s balls back into his mouth.

Periodically, Jensen would order him to change. The punishment was two fold, really. Jared couldn’t talk, so couldn’t get into more trouble and he had to remain still. It truly was the perfect punishment.

Super had been done for ten minutes, but Jensen was enjoying the sight of Jared’s throat stretched out so pretty under the shadow of Jensen’s cock. Jensen knew his neck and thighs were probably going to be sore, and made a note to give him a nice bath and rub down after super.

Tapping the spoon on the skillet, Jensen declared supper done and stepped away from Jared. At his signal, Jared carefully unfolded from the floor, stretching and shaking out his neck and shoulders.

“Go wash up, sweetheart. You’ve got slobber all over your chin.”

Jared rolled his eyes at him but moved quickly to the bathroom. Jensen was busy tucking his spit soaked balls and his half hard cock back in his pants when he heard Jared come up behind him.

“I hate you,” Jared snarked when Jensen smirked at him and admonished him to be a good boy through supper.

Jensen just laughed. “I love you, too.”

Jared smiled back.

Jared touched him repeatedly through supper, just like he usually did after a punishment, like he had to ground himself or make sure Jensen was really there. At one point Jensen grabbed Jared’s fingers and brought them up to his mouth for a quick kiss. It was unbearably sappy and he wondered not for the first time what had happened to the person he used to be.

Thinking back, he realized it didn’t matter much anyway. This Jensen might be a hell of a lot closer to the one with two kids and Jared in an apron, but he was also a hell of a lot happier than he ever thought he could be, so he figured that totally counted.

 _Oh!_ He’d told Jared _that_ particular daydream one lazy day just so he wasn’t the only one with that vision stuck in his head. A few days later, he found out that old kinksters really did learn new tricks and breeding? That was completely up his alley. And Jared’s. _So to speak._

Jensen gave himself a mental shake and went back to eating his dinner, but found himself focusing way too often on the way Jared’s pretty pink mouth cleaned the food off his fork and the way his throat moved when he laughed or drank or swallowed. He tried, but couldn’t stop thinking about the way his cock felt heavy and thick against his leg as he ate and talked to Jared. He dropped his hand to his thigh to ease some of the ache, but found Jared’s fingers there first.

Jared pulled back and wiped his mouth with a napkin. He carefully put both half full plates in the fridge and held out his hand to help Jensen up.

 _What the hell,_ Jensen thought, _fried chicken was awesome cold._


End file.
